we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
