You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
