the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
