Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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