all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
