Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
