I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
