Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
