dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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