I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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