sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
