DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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