Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
