He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
