very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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