making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
