i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize