i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize