It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
