He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
