I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
