Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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