And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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