i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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