I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
