the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
do herpes really smell.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
