Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
