No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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