Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
