If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
is it fun? or sober?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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