we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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