she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
