Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish i was in the wii world.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
