whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
