Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this will be a night to untag.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
