it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
