I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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