This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
