I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
