I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
