Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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