Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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