Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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