...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
