I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
