My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
