Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
