North Korea, Best Korea!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
