Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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