i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
