Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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