She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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