my shit smells like andre
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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