i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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