Pappa wants mamma naked
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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