My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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