does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
