just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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