I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
North Korea, Best Korea!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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