I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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