Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
