Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
