So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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