i don't like sucking hair
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
