There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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