Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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