vagina is talking i cant
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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