who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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