I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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