OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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