Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
