you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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