Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
