You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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