I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
